No cutting corners.

Well, actually, just the opposite is true. For the last several days, I have cut MANY a corner (and angles, too) in my last big push to get this flip around the final turn and onto the home stretch. We are so close to market-ready, with only a few “bigger” jobs left to do.

Installing laminate floor in the kitchen is by far the largest task left to my immediate responsibility. Having already established that I am a second generation consummate do-it-yourselfer, have I also mentioned that there are other men out there who like to say, “It’s easy!” when it comes to doing a rather labor intensive task while they sit comfortably in an office somewhere else. Ah! There’s that word again–“easy.” They throw it to you like a life preserver. Supposedly all I have to do is just grab it.

Well, ninety minutes of  YouTube videos, a couple of boards cut too short, one cut backwards, a few nicked and dinged up corners, and the life ring comes into view. It’s finally starting to get easier, now that it’s almost done.

So, here I sit, with 14 empty flooring boxes, five or so still to go, surrounded by bits and pieces and ends and scraps of laminate. I have convinced myself of the existence of my own personal “easy” button. Yeah, I am close to the end and feeling perhaps a bit smug because I have tackled and completed something new and it looks and feels pretty good. The only problem I have now is that three of my family members have remarked that the former family home turned rental turned flip  is “nicer now than when we lived here.” I guess that is a good thing.

It is generally thought that “wisdom comes with age” and, being almost a half-century old myself, I would have to agree ( shameless plug). However, an alternative source is to gain it from experience or by doing. Kind of like the subfloor removal I shared with you in my previous post. After we (Grampa Art and Myself) got back at it for a second day in a row with our aching arms hanging listlessly at our sides, we straightened our otherwise crooked backs and summoned up all of our inner reserves to conquer our current frenzied flipper nemesis (i.e., nailed, stapled, and glued underlayment).

After an hour or so, or maybe six, Grampa Art summoned an idea from his own vast storehouse of wisdom reserves and suggested, ” I need a break. Let’s go to said box store and see what they have that can make this job go a little quicker” Now not being one who, generally speaking, likes to deviate mid-task, I was willing to make an exception and quickly responded with my best Sherlock Holmes, ” Capital Idea!”

Enter the “RIPPER,” the most amazing labor-saving, back-relieving, underlayment tearing-up, vibrating, chisel-touting, staple-smashing, and glue-devouring machine I have ever laid eyes or hands on. Suffice it to say that with this newest recruit of modern floorfare fully engaged, our nemesis was quickly dispatched and summarily defeated.

I am grateful for the wisdom I have gained over the years through experience and attrition (age, I mean). But today, today I am most grateful for the wisdom of the man who was not afraid to momentarily withdraw and to seek out reinforcements. Without his help, guidance, and sweaty counsel, I might still be toiling with the floor of nails (among many other things) over the years. Thanks, Art.

Do you, like me, see yourself as a much younger person than you actually are? I think this phenomenon is similer to the “your eyes are bigger than your stomach” syndrome my father used to remind me of years ago, but now with tasks and chores instead of food. As the consumate DIYer I have always taken pride in being able to “Do it yourself , save money, and finish with a strong sense of accomplishment.” and an in-your-face, contractor atttitude. Can I just say, whoa, those days are fading faster than I’d like.

Now, let’s talk about underlayment or “subfloor,” and you’ll see why I’m telling you all that.

This flip envolves a change of flooring in our rather large, sunny (sometimes) kitchen. In changing from boring vinyl to a more modern laminate click-style flooring it is important to remove the old vinyl flooring and the subfloor to which it is adhered. Please pay attention to the word adhered; we will use several apropriate synonyms later in this blog. This removal ensures that all of the flooring in the kitchen will be at the same height as the flooring in the adjoining rooms.

So, I, the consumate DIYer set out to remove the underlayment. The guy at the floor store, ( who is a friend and was generous to come all the way out to the house with a special saw to cut around the cabinets) said it should only take me a “couple of hours.” The contractor estimated two guys for four to six hours. Which one to believe? Was this a case of the optimist vs. pragmatist? So I watched a couple of Youtube videos, assembled my tools, and set to work with the can-do attitude of the consumate DIYer.

The old vinyl came up easy, maybe too easy. I made my cuts and began to attempt to tear up the neatly cut 18-inch squares of subfloor. )The squares did not come up easily as they were stuck (or affixed, nailed, or connected) by some inexplicable means). What I mean is, they were glued, fastened, conjoined, and an invisble bond had formed. Getting the picture? It was stapled, cemented, superglued, adjoined forever by an unseen force. I had discovered the bonding of atoms; separation would result in certain disaster. Surely an impending doom awaited me….

It was after SEVERAL hours of back-breaking labor, sweating and grunting, that my epiphany came to me. I am not as young as I once was, the generous man at the floor store was a liar (not intentionally, I’m sure) and the contractor is a realist (read experienced). Turns out the floor was nailed, stapled, and glued.

I would like to meet the guy who installed that floor in the first place.